You have a lot going on right now ...

• • • • • • ➡️ My on again, off again lists for calories counting and weighting in did nothing to help keep the extra weight off.
          • ➡️ The list of clothes didn’t stop the overflowing closets and house mess that came with 7 people in a modest size house and the “hide things in the master bedroom” quickly spun out of control. 
          • ➡️ My mental list of where I thought our finances was at was zero help for curbing monthly over spending what we didn’t have, and my credit line quickly filled up.
          • ➡️ The perfectly planned out morning routine that was going to change my life if I woke up at 5am quickly had me sinking in more anxiety because it never happened and I was a failure for not being able to stick to this amazing plan someone else had made for me — again.
          • ➡️ Dirty laundry trails to the wash machine that covered the basement stairs which I slipped on and fell down when I was 8 month pregnant with baby #5. I cried and cried, and made another list to help with the laundry mess, then I lost that list. 
          •  

Then it all changed. But not quite in a good way. (yet)

After I had my forth baby … I didn’t realize it then but I was sinking hard and fast into a postpartum anxiety. I never made it to the hospital with panic attacks or heart attacks I thought I was having, no my story is not that exciting. What I did was the suffer in silence type.

The type where if I had access to alcohol I would be drinking every night.

The type where I would binge watch whatever movie I could find.

The type where I would stay up later reading books.

The type that nearly fell down the hole of online porn.

I was too proud and exhausted to even see what was happening. I would have a huge cry out at least once a week. Eat my feelings and never make sleep a priority. 

I would then pick myself up, make the perfect plan, fail at the plan over the next 3 days, feel like a failure, swear to never plan again, try living with zero planning, spin out of control and wind up crying on my kitchen floor again. Rinse and repeat. 

I’m a Jesus loving Christian women and here I was struggling trying to chase perfect, do better (all the time) and be “more”! What the heck!? It was exhausting. 

Looking back I can see a women who was struggling and didn’t know any better to ask for help. I thought “if I just get more organized” “If I just don’t screw up today and do ______ (overeat i.e.)” “If I could just get a break.” You guys …. I can count on two hands how many times we’ve had a babysitter come. My prideful butt didn’t raise her hand and ask for help. 

It took loving care from my mom who said. “Bring your two little ones over for the day while the other are at school and go do something.”

“What am I supposed to do?!” I said.

“What do I do?!” Did I really say that?! I had a hard time finding time to take a shower, preferring to read my escape books instead and I told my mother “What do I do?!” When she offered to help! 

Thankfully she insisted and I did it.

Drove my two littles (the rest where in school) to her house and drove away in tears. Tears over what a bad mom I was leaving my littles with her for the next 5 hours. 

She saw.

My mom knew on some degree how hard it is to be a mom. And to all my moms out there that are primary caregivers … like 90% of the care, you are front lines and it is hard. Don’t tell me it’s easy.

Because I was the proud mama that said this was easy then went home and ate a dozen chocolate chip cookies. It’s hard. Emotionally hard, mentally hard, and one that takes a toll on the physical. 

So what happens next is that with my new free time … I went home and worked. Yep, I worked.

I had been blogging, YouTubing, and podcasting on the side (not at the same time) and I decided with my new found freedom it was time to get serious.

The best part about online, is the learning. I LOVE online learning. It keeps me sane, I love to learn about things that interest me, and HELLO! a fraction of the price! I have 2 college certifications  (in music ministry, and as a personal support worker) and the cost of those certificates is nothing compared to what is open, available and cost effective online these days. (yes I’m that old  )

So on this journey of learning … I found a life coach that walked me through my “perfect” life — and “all or nothing mindset”. I LOVED it. I’m still learning.

This was NOT an overnight success story. It took 3 years to acknowledge my my anxiety as I went through my emotional clutter.

It took a long weekend getaway to see my good friend across Canada, where I processed to sleep for 10 hours each night, have space to think, and picked out a stack of “How-To deal with anxiety” books from the bookstore to see that there was a theme going on that I was struggling with anxiety. It took me hiring a life coach to be taught tools to help me deal with my anxiety … all the while decluttering my house, my finances, my pantry, my perfect planners, my life.

By NOT following the “perfect ” rules of  just one productivity person, but by slowly working through what a good plan means to me … and I confess, I’m still working on it. I made this my own journey out of the clutter of my anxiety and perfect lists. I can see clearly that I was trying so hard to use to numb out my anxiety of not being “perfect” according to my high expectations of what my life “should” be.

With clarity I can focus on the things that I truly want. And that doesn’t involve a perfect list. 

Not because I’m a good mom or not. Not because I’m a wife. Not because I’m a good daughter or community volunteer, but because I’m living in my true purpose … the purpose and dream that God called me to be and do as me — in THIS current season of my life. 

And that’s what I want for you too friend. I want you to step into and claim that purpose — imperfectly — everyday, with an intentional plan that is right for you in THIS season of life.

And I believe the first step and the MOST easiest step is planning your day. Step one.

So join me on this imperfect planning journey where you use planning as a tool to help you calm your anxiety. I write and deep dive into different ways you can plan and organize your day, month, year, goals, life, and dreams.

My hope is that with all these tools at your fingertips you’ll find one thing that speaks to you for today, that helps you set up today for success. (step 1) then you will move on to your week (step 2) and so on. The key is imperfect planning, switching things out as needed and lettings the rest go. 

Let’s dive in.